What is a narp?

I have recently discovered a common, yet unpopular and therefore obscure creature. It is known as a narp. In case you are unfamiliar with this creature, let me give you a little more information.

A narp is a short-lived creature with an average lifespan of 2-3 days. Actually, the 2-3 days is merely the active adult phase of its life cycle. The inactive larval phase lasts a few weeks.

Narps are parasitic pests that prey on post-adolescent females. The adult narp appears on the skin of its host as a small raised lesion, varying from the size of a pinhead to the size of a lentil. Even after the narp has been removed from the lesion, the inflammation may take days to subside. If the narp is large, removing it may damage the skin and lead to formation of a scab and possible scarring.

It is almost impossible to predict where and why a narp chooses to invade its host. That is because a narp does not really have cognitive abilities. In fact, the narp isn't really a creature in the traditional sense. In reality, a narp is nothing more than a No Apparant Reason Pimple.

Yes, that's right. I'm talking about that dreaded, monthly, unavoidable, embarassing, unwarranted, and painful affliciton, the NARP. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. The NARP is that little reminder, "Hey guess what? It's just about time for you to make a trip to the 'Feminine Products' aisle in the grocery store."

NARPs are frustrating. I'm 25 years old and I have relatively dry, clear skin. And yet, once a month a NARP pops up out of nowhere. It reminds me how little control I have over my life. The NARP is like the sudden silence when a roller coaster reaches the top of the first big hill. When the chain drive disengages, all you hear is the collective inhalation of a couple of dozen people. You know the ride will be over soon, but that moment of terrifying silence seems suspended in time.

On a morning when I wake up with a NARP, I can say to myself "Well, it'll all be over soon," but I know how miserable the next few days are going to be. I can't stop the process; I can't get off the ride. I just have wait at the crest of the hill and then endure the g-forces for a couple of loopdiloops. When I finally hear the squeal of the brakes at the end of the tracks, the NARP will be gone, but then I'll get to stand in line for another couple of weeks until I get on the roller coaster again.

If you're a guy reading this, you may not understand what I'm talking about. That's okay. Just remember, the next time a woman in your life shows up with a not-so-successfully-disguised NARP, remind yourself how lucky you are NOT to be a woman.