Short Pants Man!

This morning we went to sip coffee at our favorite little bagel place. Our comfy seats on the couch by the window afforded an excellent view for people watching. I love this sport, and I especially enjoy nicknaming the people I see. For example, you have:

The Dog Couple--Every morning she comes out of their apartment building to walk their enormous rottweiler, Moe. Actually, Moe's friends call him Tiny but he doesn't like it if you bring that up. After the walk, Moe and Mrs. Dog Couple go back inside and she comes out with Mr. Dog Couple about 10 minutes later. Mr. DC always carries the same shoulder bag and thermos and it seems that they walk to work, or at least to the nearest parking garage.

New York Times Guy--NYT Guy buys a coffee, a buttered bagel, and a New York Times, which he reads methodically, starting from the front page.

Mr. Buffness--Mr. B is a trainer at the gym up the street. He has the shoulders-forward waggle-walk so common to beefy guys. He buys a small coffee, which looks ridiculously miniscule in his hand. I think they keep extra-small coffee cups on hand for this guy.

Sketchy Cowboy--Cowboy always looks a little under-showered and mal-nourished. He shows up and walks behind the counter, pours himself a coffee, and leaves without paying. He's very friendly with the staff. I think he must have either A) serious dirt on the owners, which he uses to extort free coffee (highly unlikely) or B) an annual coffee subscription, which sure beats carrying small bills and change with you in the morning.

Loud Tie Guy--I spied Loud Tie today for the first time. He was wearing a sad paisly shirt with the most shocking American flag tie. I think he was trying to be patriotic and he sure seemed pleased with himself, judging by the big grin on his face. Oh, I can only imagine what his wife was thinking when he walked out the door.

And finally, the most exciting one of all...

Short Pants Man--I don't know where he buys his shorts, but they short. Indecently short. Shorter than fingertip length! And he has them in all colors. Today they were bright blue. To top it off, he's got skinny old man legs, which are nearly hairless, and he wears brown loafers with no socks. He buys a small coffee and sits outside to sip and think. I assume he's thinking because his mustache waggles up and down. He must be wondering how much it would cost to buy a new dryer that won't shrink his shorts.