Ninja Gifts and Gas Station Mayhem

I've been away from the blog for a while because I've been really busy with work. I'm getting ready to go to a conference in a week and a half, and up until this week, I didn't really have much to present. Sure, I had lots of "proof of concept" models and lots of attempted simulations, but nothing solid to show for myself. Thankfully, I finally got some good stuff this weekend, so I'm taking a break from my computer to make a blog entry. (Oh, wait, I'm still using the computer...darn!)

So, today I'd like to talk about askaninja.com. I recently discovered this website, and I'm really impressed with how utterly hilarious a guy in a B-movie ninja costume can be. My favorite episode so far answers the question, "What is the ideal gift to get a ninja?" An exerpt:

Something black? Giving a ninja something black is like giving crazy to Angelina Jolie. It's like giving guns to Master Chief. It's like giving boobs to Dolly Parton. We already have plenty.

I love this simile for several reasons. First, it touches every form of mass media (movies, video games, music, and television). Second, no matter how many times I hear it, I can't decide which comparison I find funniest. I mean, Angelina Jolie is definitely a superfreak, but Dolly Parton's boobs need their own zipcode. Then again, Xbox claims that half a billion games of Halo2 have been played on Xbox Live, so all of nerdville seems pretty enamoured with Master Chief and his guns. Finally, the charm of this little quote lies, in some degree, in the delivery, so you'll just have to watch it for yourself.

Now, if I were going to make a list of things in my own life that are like giving something black to a ninja, I'd have to include:

--It's like giving leadership development classes to Hanione.
--It's like giving dirty laundry to the Photon Cowboy.
--It's like giving cat litter to Arwen.

Well, on that note, I'm thinking I ought to get back to work, so can I get home tonight to my Photon Cowboy. Before I forget, I wanted to bring you today's "Why can't people just do things my way?"

WCPJDTMW--Gas Station Mayhem
Oh my way to work today, I stopped to get gas. As usual, the gas station was a mob house. As I entered the lot, two other vehicles pulled away, leaving two pumps open in a row. To my surprise, the car in front of me stopped at the first open pump, blatantly disregarding the pull-forward-so-the-car-behind-you-can-also-fill-up gas station ettique. Fortunately, nobody else came from the other direction to take my pump, so I filled up without a problem. My point is that I wish people wouldn't be so clueless about their surroundings. Hello?! Just pay attention, people! Check your mirrors! Pull forward to the next free pump! Sheesh...

Meet Jenna Bagelshop

Yesterday, in honor of the 4th of July, we went out for breakfast at our favorite little bagel place. The owners had their three-year-old daughter in the shop and she was busy chatting up all the customers. Little Jenna came over to talk to us for about 45 minutes and she reminded me how hilarious kids can be. This kid is definitely a talker, and her automatic followup to every answer is, "Why?" For example:

Jenna: "Hi, what's you're name?"
Me: "My name is Hanione."
Jenna: "Why?"
Me: "Because that's what my parents decided to call me."
Jenna: "Why?"
Me: "Because that's what parents do."
Jenna: "Why?"
Me: "When a baby comes out of her mommy's tummy, her mommy chooses a name."

Total silence...I think the concept of babies being in tummies completely confused her. However, she quickly recovered and went on to tell us all about how she's going to the crocodile ballet, which apparantly means the zoo, as Mrs. Bagelshop explained. Jenna also wanted to know all about the contents of my purse because she was convinced that I must be carrying makeup in there somewhere, which I wasn't, unless you count chapstick.

Ahh...and that brings me to an interesting topic--the contents of my purse. My purse is mostly full of uninteresting stuff like my wallet, cell phone, sunglasses, a pen, and a few spare Splenda packets. The only really interesting thing is my collection of movie ticket stubs.

I started collecting ticket stubs about two years ago. I realized that my purse had a miniature pocket on the outside that was just the right size for a movie ticket and not much else. I started filing them away and now I have a record of all the money I've wasted on movies over the last two years. As a window into my soul/personality/spending habits, here's the list:

4/9/04 Hellboy (Yes, I'm ashamed of this one...)
6/18/04 Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban
6/29/04 Spiderman 2
7/10/04 Spiderman 2 (Hubby gets to choose his fair share of movies...see also Star Wars Episode III and Superman)
7/24/04 The Bourne Supremacy
7/31/04 The Village
9/4/04 Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban
10/7/04 The Forgotten (Could have been so good, but it just wasn't.)
4/29/05 Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy
5/21/05 Star Wars Episode III
6/3/05 Star Wars Episode III (I officially became a Star Wars fan after seeing this movie.)
7/1/05 War of the Worlds (Terrible.)
8/5/05 March of the Penguins
8/26/06 Brothers Grim
10/27/05 Flight (I really can't remember what movie this was.)
11/11/05 Pride and Prejudice (Totally loved it.)
11/21/05 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
12/03/05 Pride and Prejudice
12/09/05 Chronicles of Narnia
12/23/05 Chronicles of Narnia
12/31/05 The Family Stone (Expected a comedy, got something completely different.)
1/6/06 King Kong (Come on Pete, this was waaaaaaay too long. You know it. We know it. So why make us sit through it?)
1/6/06 Memoirs of a Geisha (Ahhh, plot? Where did you go? You seem to have gotten lost.)
4/21/06 The Sentinel (Yeah, Keifer Sutherland being Jack Bauer, only not Jack Bauer.)
6/10/06 The Omen (Unexpectedly great.)
6/17/06 Nacho Libre (Choncho, I need some sweats.)
7/1/06 Superman Returns (Superman the man-slut? No way...)
7/4/06 The Devil Wears Prada (Gotta love Anne Hathaway.)

So, there you have it: 2 years, 28 movies, and the price of a student ticket went up $1. That's all for now.

Hanione